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Today’s Issues

I usually don’t post controversial political things relevant to current events. I’m not a very publicly political person. I don’t enjoy the debate or the hate that it seems to initiate. There are all sorts of opinions and I really do think that the beauty of true freedom is that you can have them and still be civil to one another. We can, I hope, simply agree to disagree.

That being said, I feel very strongly about posting this viewpoint on recent events that happened here in Texas.  Sutherland Springs has suffered an enormous tragedy at the hands of a mentally unstable man. I’ve read numerous reports from a number of news agencies that pointed out several things of note.

  1. The man was discharged from active military duty due to bad conduct involving a criminal offense of domestic violence in which he fractured his own child’s skull and faced rape allegations.
  2. The Air Force failed to report this conduct-related discharge as was policy. This allowed him to slip through the cracks of legislation already in place to control gun possession.
  3. The suggested motive in this was related to a domestic dispute. His mother-in-law attended the church regularly but was not there on Sunday.

Now, I’m a survivor of domestic abuse. Of course, I have pretty strong emotional reactions to things like this. Because, as I see it, this has all happened over a manipulative narcissistic need to control. This is a man with a history of violent behavior toward the women in his life. And, from experience, I can tell you that when a man like this feels he is losing control he often lashes out and he will make threats against anyone his target loves or cares for just to keep her in line. Isolation is control and that control makes them feel strong and powerful.

I’ve spent a lot of time trying to understand this sort of psychology/psychosis. Why? Because it seems that I attract it in spades. That fact alone makes me want to remain single. Once you go through a relationship like that you’re never quite the same. It is harder to let your guard down and trust because, let’s be real, all relationships are bliss in the beginning. The true colors come out once they think they have you hooked.

I’m not afraid of guns. I am, however, fearful of the people who have a blatant disregard for the law and human life.

What happened in Sutherland Springs is another tragic example of repercussions for not recognizing the psychosis and danger associated with domestic violence offenders. It really should open doors for communicating about mental healthcare in this country. The sad thing is that it won’t. Because these behaviors are largely normalized in our society. The women who become victims aren’t weak. They are strong in their desire to love another human being beyond the flaws. And when it does become clear that it isn’t safe anymore, these women often stay in an effort to protect the ones they love outside of that relationship.

So, yes, I’m praying for the wife of the shooter tonight. I can only imagine the horror she is living through right now. I am praying that she and the families of the victims get the help they need to grieve their loss and pick up the pieces. I pray that those, who can physically do so, will return to the church in solidarity to prove that their faith is in tact and evil will not prevail.

We live in an odd time. It is both scary and exciting. There are times I want to go out and do all the things but, at the same time there is a fear of even walking out the front door to do the most mundane of things. Some days the fear wins. Other days, I feel bold and determined to conquer that fear. Right now, I feel like crying for the senseless loss of life that happened in a place that should have been safe for all of those in attendance.

It is likely that I will cry. Aside from this tragedy it was a difficult day for me. For my part, I hope the rest of the week is smooth sailing. There are things to write and preparations to be made. And yes, dear readers, I promise a less heavy topic on my next posting. Something fun and creative is in the works. So please stick around.

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The Importance of Happiness

Happiness is a key to being healthy.

Yes, this is my awesome insight for this week. No, it isn’t very profound. But, in my personal experience, it is true.

If you’ve been reading this blog for any length of time, you’ll know that until the last seven or eight months months, my life hasn’t been a very happy one. It is true that I put on a good face for everyone around me. Trying to make it seem like I was happy with things when I wasn’t. But, the reality is that the depression that was rampant in my house was taking its toll on me.

64640_389799357763068_1872943124_nI learned a few things about myself as I was going through the process of figuring out who I was again. I figured out that I was an emotional eater. When I got angry or sad, I ate whatever I could find in the house. When my, then, husband came in he always brought sweets and sodas. When I was down, I couldn’t tell myself not to eat them. He certainly wasn’t helping my attempts to lose weight. His attitude, apathy, and emotionally abusive behavior toward me only added to my stress and thus my eating.

There were times I didn’t even know I was doing it.

For example, my biggest weakness is soda. I’m an addict when it comes to Coca Cola and Dr. Pepper. Even now, it is my biggest hurdle to try to overcome. My ex worked for one of the leading soda distributors. So, he kept cases of them in our refrigerator. He even went so far as to put a variety of the flavors all along the bottom shelf for me to choose from. Now, some people drink coffee to get themselves going in the morning, for me, it was always a cold Dr. Pepper or Coke. What was worse is that I would literally drink one after another all day long. I would simply keep telling myself, “one more and then I will switch to water the rest of the day” but, I didn’t. Then, the next thing I knew the case would be empty and he would be bringing in another to take its place. Even after I told him to stop bringing them in and tried to explain.

Make things happenChanging a habit is hard to do. We get set in our routines and when they aren’t working for our health sometimes it takes a jarring event to make us wake up and take note that it needs to change. For some people that is a health issue. For me it was the fact that none of it was making me happy. No matter how the epiphany hits you, changing to be happier is difficult.It is even harder when your efforts aren’t supported by the person you’re with.

I had come to a point that I nearly hated myself because simple tasks were far more difficult than they should have been for me. Things like washing the dishes, walking to the mailbox, going to the local Walmart for supplies were all too much for me to take. When that happened I had to fight with myself to keep going. There were days that it just didn’t seem worth the effort to even get out of the bed. I didn’t like the person I had become. I was not this depressed person who stared at her walls living vicariously through characters on a page all the time. But, I’d become that person and honestly, it was something of a relief that things fell apart the way that they did. It allowed me to find myself again and become the happy person that I am.

I haven’t really been dieting. There is no “skinny pill” or fad diet that melts away the pounds. What has truly worked for me is finding my happiness. I get out and do things with my family now. I go shopping just because I want to browse again. I take off and spend time with friends playing cards or just talking about whatever is on my mind. I take a little girl to the park, play games with her, and I generally stay busy. With that being said, I do eat less. There’s less emotional baggage to deal with and so, I don’t stress out and turn to food.

Finding my happiness took me a great deal of soul searching and pain. I had to lose everything I’d convinced myself I wanted in life. I had to start fresh, rediscover myself, and essentially reinvent the person I was into who I am now. Change is hard, yes. Being truly happy is its own reward really. Regardless of what size I end up; the important thing is to just stay happy. Life is just too short to let other people’s opinions of you weigh you down.